


Blue Velvet & Gray Steel

by Gonardo



Series: Fire & Ice series [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Colorful Language, Confessions, Dirty Talk, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Healing, Fluff, Grief, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Hockey AU, Homophobic Language, M/M, Media pressure, Mourning, OOC steve, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slurs, Therapy, brain washing, injuries, minor orginal character death, pets helping with anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:28:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4113916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gonardo/pseuds/Gonardo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky must address his past if he is to move on. He has support now. There's Steve, a rare gem. Family and new friends along with the support of his team. But unhappiness awaits him... can Bucky get past it? Or will he cave...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To tell the Truth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShieldingWinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShieldingWinter/gifts), [CaliFornia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliFornia/gifts).



> This follows my story Fire and Ice. It helps if you read that first. This happens soon after the conclusion of F & I. Bucky is continuing to strive and move forward. There are bound to be bumps in the road.  
> As the tags suggest, Bucky has past sexual abuse. I will let you know before hand just how much will be mentioned.  
> It is tough for me to write these scenes because I relate to Bucky. But their story is far from over. I will update when I can.  
> unbeta'd. All screw ups are mine.
> 
> I add notes at the end to avoid spoilers. Thanks to all those who read, comment and leave kudos. You are the reason I enjoy posting this.

Blue Velvet & Gray Steel

Bucky would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. In fact the man was downright terrified of what was to come. Sitting in a chair in a waiting room with other people who recognized him but were too polite to let on due to the setting. The brunet is here to see his therapist. He needs to vocalize some of what is going in his head, and there is plenty. 

Like his emotional break down for one, going public about his past another. Then there was that tiny voice in the back of his mind talking about the next big step between him and Steve. While not imagining him with anyone else, now was not the right time for that. Bucky knew he wasn't ready, hell his boyfriend may not be either.

Gets up once he hears his name being called, stomach bunching up with nerves.

It was a bit of a shock to see his therapist in such disarray. Hair normally styled neatly now sticking up here and there as if he had been tugging on it. Sweat stains under his arms, and around the collar from what Bucky could tell. Not to mention his once neat slacks all wrinkled. Suddenly his worries do not seem all that important any more.

"Come on in, have a seat," the therapist waves at the chair without looking at him. Eyeing the stack of folders before him, then grabbing for a fresh sheet of paper. "So, what has been going on since we last seen each other?" Listens patiently while Bucky lists off his thoughts in order. "Sure you are ready for all that?" He asks, not doubting him but making sure Bucky knows what will ensue after.

"Yes, in fact my lawyer is meeting up with the P.I. at the moment. Soon my agent will report in," Bucky says with conviction.

"Looks like you got this all planned out then. What does your boyfriend say about this, or your family?"

Bucky swallows, then takes a deep breath. "Actually my family doesn't know," he breathes out. Watching as the therapist's brows reach nearly reach his hairline. "Well, they knew about some of it, just not the whole picture. I told my mom that I would explain it to her after, and not to watch," because it would be too painful to learn that way. Makes him feel selfish really, but then the media would not relent until he caves.

"Why haven't you told them?" 

Good question.

"Fear, guilt. Not to mention past blackmail and being brain washed into thinking that they didn't care. All lies I realize now, but not back then. I was told to keep my mouth shut, that I could make their money problems go away."

"Were they that bad off financialy speaking?" Waiting for his patient's reaction.

"Looking back, not as much as I was lead to believe. Sure we had issues, what family doesn't? But we got by. It's not all their fault this happened," hates that it may seem that way.

"They need to know for many reasons, one of them being they will be reached for comments."

"Shit," Bucky mutters under his breath.

"Yeah," his therapist agrees.

"Looks like I have a phone call to make."

*

Steve, normally a patient man, sits at the other end of the desk, trying his best not to fidget. It's not working. Clint Barton looks over to Nat, and she nods, letting him know without words that she sees it too.

"I'm sure Mr. Barnes will make it here in time, maybe got caught up with something," adding.

"Bucky would call if he was going to be this late," Steve objects.

"Maybe that's just it, he didn't know, or maybe he is on the phone with his agent," Nat tells the worried blond.

"Or his family," a man enters the room with flair. Preening as all eyes focus on him, this he was used to. "Mr. Anthony Stark, at your service."

Clint snorts, while Natasha rolls her eyes at his anticts, well known among their circle. But not to Steve it seems.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Rogers asks, not wanting to know the answer.

"No, we're not. I have been with this family for many years. It goes back a generation," Stark provides. Steve just stares in shock.

"Ignore him!" A woman dressed in a white buttton up shirt and black pencil skirt tells him. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, make up done tastefully. While confident, she was never obnoxious about it. Opposites really do attract, don't they?

"This is my assistant Pepper Potts," gives a winning wink. She rolls her eyes his way, but then smiles at them.

"Sorry about him. Why not wait for the client before getting down to business. I already know Natasha and Clint," smirks their way.

"I'm Steve, Bucky's partner," gettng up to shake hands with her first, then to Stark who lights up.

"Nice to meet you, big fan."

Pepper just laughs at that. "Actually I am, he just sits and grimaces while I watch the games," gives an all knowing look his way.

"Brutal," Tony shudders to make a point. Steve just squints his eyes, then moves back to his chair and sits. It is going to be a long day...

*

"Yeah Mom, I will. Love you too," Bucky adds before ending the call, then grimaces once he spies the time. He is already twenty minutes late and has yet to call his agent. Sends a quick message to Steve to apologize for the delay, then one to Clint and Tony. He can do this. No, he will do this.


	2. Stand by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has help facing his demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New people added to the mix... yay.
> 
> Loki and Tony stole the show. Do I sense jealousy? Maybe some some UST...
> 
> Let me know where I screwed up and if I should add a tag.

Tony waits with everyone else, wishing he had to listened Pepper about eating before the meeting. He went with a stiff drink instead. Glances at the short text that his client sent him, before turning to his partner just as Bucky walks in. The brunet apologizes for being late, shaking his hand before moving over to Pepper. Catches the way Steve watches him, stars in his eyes.

Bucky on the other hand doesn't seem to notice, looking guilty. Tony hates it, the man has done nothing wrong. While having been wronged many times over. Knows what the man has gone through. He himself knowing first hand how it felt. But when Bucky was being victimized, Tony was going through the 'I hate everyone' faze and missed it.

Didn't want to out him once he started putting pieces together. Rebecca had suspected something and asked before hand for his legal advice. Stark will do everything and anything to bring those smug bastards down. In fact Rumlow gave him a swarmy smile while he was visiting one of his clients. He felt like scrubbing himself down with bleach. Those phantom feelings leeching on. But instead of letting it show, he promised that he'd be seeing him in the near future, right where he is. That earned a glower.

"We've got your back," Tony reminds him and everyone nods in agreement just as Bucky's agent walks in. "Loki?!" He feels his jaw drop.

"Well hello Anthony. Been a while since I last laid eyes on you," gray green eyes twinkle at him. "Miss Potts, a pleasure to see you once again. Looking lovely as always," smiling at her in greeting. Tony sees red.

"It's been a while," is she blushing?

"Ah yes. The trip to the ocean was much needed. You were glowing," his voice lowers to a purr.

"Hah! I was drunk, you mean."

"I think most of us were that night," Loki replies.

"Alright, reunion time over," Stark claps his hands together.

"Sorry, where are my manners. You are quite right," Loki looks the lawyer up and down. He moves to the desk and introduces himself to the P.I. team, and then Steve. Loki's brother Thor being the blond's agent.

"Nice to finally meet you. Thor talks a lot about you," Steve tells him.

"Oh I'm quite sure he does," Loki admits.

"How Jane doing?" The blond asks.

"Doing okay. Takes a strong woman to put up with Thor," the tall lithe man teases. Back then the venom would have been real. Always in the golden boy's shadow, well until Frigga put him in his place and he went to school over seas.

"I am glad you called," the agent addresses Bucky. "Stark and I will deflect if need be. He will fill you in on what is and isn't allowed. While I make sure your future is secured."

"Yes. I hate telling you this Bucky, but they will have guys acting as media to push your buttons. We need to go over that is well."

Bucky feels his face fall at those words. Ice sliding down his spine.

Steve wraps an arm around him and tucks him under his chin. "We're right here babe. I got you," he whispers softly. Bucky tightens his grip but nods.

*

It was hot outside, the humidity thick in the air. The shouthern skies dark blue with angry looking clouds. Bucky is sweating beneath his suit, one he had changed into, now wishing he hadn't. Loki pulls him aside. "Remember what we talked about. You don't discuss anything that makes you uncomfortable. As for the court date, they will find out soon enough with the rest of us."

Bucky nods his head, then heads inside into the arena. Steve is standing off to the side with Gus. They speak to one another while eyeing the crowd of reporters slash media. Gus shakes the brunet's hand then approaches the  
table with Loki. Tony stands near Steve, just waiting for anyone to step out of line. He could be cold hearted when he wanted to be, needed to be, like now.

Gus clears his throat before speaking. "We do ask to respect Bucky's refusal to answer certain questions. The fact that he is doing this at all, let alone facing you all... I hope that none of us needs to repeat ourselves. Also if you are told more than once to stop the line of questioning, you will be escorted out. Certain subject matters can not be brought up, as we have talk to our legal team. You also have a set time," pausing for effect. "Mr. Barnes are you ready?"

"Yes sir," hands tremble as he grabs the mic before him, adjusting it. While Gus stands to step next to Steve, Tony sits next to Bucky. Loki on the other side, they glance at one another and nod.

*

"When did this begin to happen Mr. Barnes?" An eldery gentleman, distinguished in his line of work asks softly.

"The summer I turned twelve years old."

There is a sudden stillness in the air, while Stark hands Bucky some water. The brunet accepts, taking small careful sips. Loki's cat like gaze eats at the well dressed crowd before him, lips set in a firm line. None, save for one execption gaze back.

*

It is done. Bucky answered the questions he had been asked. Sometimes he would stall, searching for words to describe the nightmare that still haunts him. Stark had to interupt someone here and there, all with his usual flair. It set the media's teeth on edge. Bucky was glad to have him on his side. Then there was Loki and the way he stared down a tall lithe woman. Who met him with a glare of her own. Loki in his own right is frightening, but adding her to the mix...

Gus gave both Bucky and Steve a hug. "Don't hesitate for one moment if either of you need anything." They both nod in agreement. Tony shakes Bucky's hand.

"Same here buddy. God knows I stay awake for most of the night anyway," looks at the blond. Steve seems to coming along, although a bit slowly.

Loki sighs deeply before stepping over to the trio as Gus takes his leave. "Call me whenever you think is a good time. Too soon at the moment to talk contracts, but I will do what I can."

Shortly after they leave the building and into a cool breeze touched with a light rain fall. All making their way to their vehicle before leaving.

*

Steve holds Bucky to his chest, breathing in the relaxing scent of lavender with a hint of vanilla. The water has since cooled off, but neither make the move to get out. Even though Steve's ass went numb twenty minutes ago. He brushes brown locks from his partner forehead. Brushing a kiss along the tattoo sleeve on Bucky's left arm. The brunet hasn't said anything since they left the arena behind. Steve can not fault him for that, instead giving him much needed support.

Bucky has latched on, needing the physical touch. A few tears slip past, Bucky rolling his eyes to keep any more from falling. Blue gray eyes stinging softly.

Gripping at the broad shoulders behind him causes the blond to take it as a hint. "Ready to get out?" Steve gently asks. Bucky can only nod. Whimpering softly as Steve dries him off, helping him dress. Grabbing a glass of water to place on Bucky's night stand. Sly places his head on the brunet's stomach, giving him the kind of comfort only animals can give.

Late into the night Steve finds himself surrounded by both his boyfriend and his dog. He lay right in the middle. There's no place he'd rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was easier to write. Due to a couple of things. While Bucky is my main focus, having others there helped. As did them supporting him, backing up.  
> He faces the media. Next will be sitting down with parents. Poor Bucky...


	3. In Which the Truth Comes out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve head over to Bucky's parents house for dinner. 
> 
> In which he tells his family the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up some names for his parents. I hope that its not out of place too much.
> 
> Unbeta'd. sorry for the mistakes in advance. posting via mobile.

Today is the day Bucky has been dreading for a long time, telling his parents. Making him feel sick, stomach rolling and twisting itself into knots. Steve notices the change of mood but does not comment on it. Bucky is thankful for that. The man has been great really since he opened up and told him. Deciding to stick by his side after Bucky was black mailed. Instead of leaving him to face the fall out in his own, Steve stood by him every step of the way.

It really does hurt Bucky to keep Steve in the dark at times, but he has trouble expressing himself. But his boyfriend never pushes him. Instead he will take his hand, giving a simple squeeze, or kiss his brow. Never once trying to force it from him, and sometimes Bucky doesn't know what to do with that, because his past relationships never quite stack up to the current one.

So the brunet takes steps in chosing what to wear. Taking a quick bath hoping it would at least sooth some aching muscles. There are plenty of bruises left from the previous series, and the next one starts in a couple of days.

He grimaces slightly at the hot water, sinking in slowly, trying o breath through it. While it stings, it always makes him feel somewhat better after. Steve is in the other room picking out clothes. Bucky knows deep down that he is trying his best not to fret. It gets a small smile from him, imagining him taking out a sweater vest even though it is warm outside. The humidity has since lowered, but the air still warm with the sun sinking over the horizon. 

Of course Steve does not disappoint him, wearing a long sleeved white button down shirt. Paired off with dark blue slacks and brown boots. "Is it too much, should I go and change, there is still time..." Steve fidgits a bit as Bucky looks him over while standing there in a towel.

"You look fine. Relax Steve, from what they heard about you from me and Becca, they love you already. Besides you look good, always do. Let me get dressed and then we can leave." Leave it to the blond to help him settle his frayed nerves. "Love you," Bucky tells him over his shoulder as he picks up a v neck shirt and dark jeans. 

"Love you too," Steve tells him as he presses a kiss over a naked shoulder before going to feed Sly who has been waiting in the door way with a wagging tail. The dog bounds for his food bowl, prancing in place while his human scoops some dry kibble. "There you go buddy. Your daddies shouldn't take long to get back."

"Yeah, we will be back soon for some late night cuddles," Bucky says as he steps into view causing Steve to lose his breath. The shirt is snug across his pecs, pert nipples on display, a sprinkle of hair peeking out. It hugs his torso in all the right places, tattoos showing. Steve pulls him close and kisses him deeply.

Bucky blinks when he pulls back for a moment. "Well that beats me telling you thank you about not giving Sly wet food due to giving him gas all night." Steve's brows rise upwards. "What? It's true and you know it,"pats Sly lightly on the back. "Ready?" Steve nods and goes to grab the keys on the dining room table where he left them earlier. They walk out the door with their arms wrapped around one another.

*

They arrive on time for dinner. Bucky had decided to buy his mom some flowers on the way there, and Steve picked up some wine. Alexis opens the door as soon as they knock, pulling both in for a hug. She cups Bucky's face in her palms before kissing each cheek. John, his father brings him for a hug as well, clapping him on his back. Then shakes Steve's free hand. "Welcome, come on in. Becca and her fiance are at the table, she is excited to see you both." The elder Barnes grabs a vase for the flowers. His mom then places them proudly on the table.

 

"About time you get here," Becca shoots up to wrap her arms around her big brother. Takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as tears threathen to fall.

"Come on Sis, don't cry," he begs the slender brunette in his arms. 

"I can't help it." She then hugs Steve as well. "Thank you for taking care of my brother," she whispers to him softly. Kyle smiles at them.

"Hey man, nice to see you again," Bucky smiles softly at him before sitting down near his sister. Steve sits across from him, watching as John takes the wine to start pouring them a glass.

"None for me please," Becca tells her father, who just eyes her knowingly. She just shrugs but smiles. 

Alexis sits next to Steve and rubs his forearm. He looks at her, seeing Bucky clearyly. From the nose to the shape of eyes, not to mention full lips. Her hair though was closer to Steve's in color, a once golden blonde now whiter. John had Bucky's brown hair, graying at the temples with clear gray eyes. They share the same chin and jaw line.

"Hope you like cabbage soup Steve," John tells him as Alexis starts to serve them all.

"I raided Bucky's fridge once, found some and ended up eating it all before he could even take a bite. Took him over a week to forgive me." He gets a blinding smile at that.

Bucky's face scrunches up as he recalls Steve doing just that. "Jerk."

"Now now boys, there is plenty to go around," Alexis reminds them. Looks at her son while saying, "there will be another serving for you, at least." That seems to please him. "Why no wine Rebecca Anne Barnes?"

"Because me and Kyle are expecting a little one. And really, cabbage soup and wine? Ew!"

"Do not insult other people's taste. And about time you told us," he looks at her with shining gray eyes. That was enough for her to burst into tears. 

"Daddy!" He opens his arms as she leaps into them, sniffling softly. "I will always be your little girl," she reminds him.

"With a little one on the way at that," he soothes a hand down her hair, smiling proudly.

She stays there for a little while longer before returning to her seat. Kyle kisses her softly, hand going to her slighly distended belly. Steve gently nudges Bucky under the table, eye brow raised.

"Congrats Sis, Kyle." Bucky takes a sip of wine, mouth already dry.

"I'm going to be a grandma!" Alexis sobs out.

*

Dinner goes by smoothly, they talk about the baby on the way, the series coming up for Bucky and Steve, as well as the wedding still being planned.

Just as they finish eating, Bucky turns to his parents. "I need to tell you something," he begins.

Kyle clears his throat. "Do you need for me to leave?" 

"No, you're family. But thank you for asking. Can we, uh, go into the living room please?" His parents nod, deciding to clear the table later.

They go into the living room to have the serious talk. Bucky sits in the middle, with his sister on one side and his boyfriend on the other. His parents look worried but try to smile at him.

Kyle rubs his fiance's shoulders as Bucky fights to find the words.

"It all started the summer I was twelve," he begins.

Alexis is in tears the whole time, while her husband swallows past the lump in his throat. Guilt strong. Rebecca hugs Bucky close to her, rubbing his arm. Steve grabs some tissues from the bathroom. Returning to the room to see Bucky in his mom's strong embrace.

"Oh, baby. I am so sorry. You should have come to us. We don't blame you," she sobs out.

"I have come to realize that Mom. But at the time... I don't know. I was pretty warped."

"Does Alexander's suicide have anything to do with this?" John asks his son.

Bucky nods, then looks over at Steve for help at exlpaining how it got to that point.

"It started a little while ago," he begins. Deciding to leave the black mailing part for later. "I hired a private investigator for everyone's sake. Didn't take long to get some information. Which lead to a show down between both Fury and Pierce. Brock and others were arrested and are now awaiting trial," Steve finishes. Eyes growing wide as John clasps his hand and holds tight.

"Thank you. Just sorry that I didn't pull the trigger."

"I know the feeling sir."

*

They leave shortly after. Bucky promising to stay in touch more.

When they get home, Bucky kisses Steve hard and desperate. Thanking him before eating at his mouth once more. The blond can only hang on, rubbing along the other man's back. 

They strip down to their boxers before heading to bed. Bucky latching on strong to Steve who is wide awake.

Mind swirling with thoughts, likes bees stinging his head. Realizing just how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with Bucky Barnes. As in shopping for a ring, going on bended knee... everything. The question being, does his lover see that for his future as well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly I will be out of internet for at least a month, maybe two. But I plan on writing more on my stories. If you don't hear from me for a while, that is why. Sorry about that. I have had this happen before. It gets boring but I shall do ok. I will miss all the awesome fics that I enjoy reading while I am in a funk with my own stories.
> 
> There is plenty more to this story. Next up is the third round of playoffs... and maybe some sexy time too. *winks*


	4. What a way to start your day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky goes for a run and makes breakfast. He also makes Steve cum. So there is that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! It's been too long since I last updated. I'm sad now. It's a bit short but it's a start. I still have ideas and plans for this verse. It's my baby. Changing some of the tags, let me know if I missed something.

For the first time in a very long time Bucky feels like himself again. Confidence, all but forgotten coming back to him. Talking to his parents, letting them know was like a weight lifted off his chest. He is nowhere near being past it, but with time he will get there. He wakes up before Steve, smiles as he opens his eyes and catches sight of the blond's expression relaxed in slumber. Dark blond lashes fanning across his cheeks, lips slightly parted. If Bucky listens close enough he can hear a tiny snore. Sly perks his head up right away and bounds right after him for his morning treat, soft food. The brunet pats his side before he heads towards the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth.

Next, he switches into more comfortable clothes before heading out for a quick run, taking the time to enjoy his calm headspace. Who knew how long that would last, if at all. People starting their day catch his eye, some acknowledge him with a tilt of their head, or a simiple wave. For the most part the neighborhood is great at knowing when to strike up a conversation. He ends out and about for an hour, spending nearly half of it in an easy walk. Steve is still in bed when he gets back.

Taking a quick shower, Bucky gets to work on their breakfast. Nothing too heavy, grease wise, but something packed with protein, so he makes shakes. After that he searche for some fruit to cut up to go along with it. Steve mumbles as he walks into the kithen, wrapping his arms around the brunet, inhaling deeply. Bucky laughs at loud at the sensation of stubble rubbing along his ticklish spot, jarring his boyfriend awake.

"You're too chipper this morning," Steve grouses. It was if their roles were reversed. Bucky usually slept in later and snapped at anyone who dares interrupt his slumber, while Steve woke up at an ungodly hour. Like sun rising over the horizon early.

"Now you know how I feel. Now be a good boy and eat." Hip checks him for good measure. "After I may just take care of your morning wood for you," he teases. The blond's answering whimper is like music to his ears.

"If there is one thing I hate about game day, it's the boring ass food we have to eat," Steve complains.

"I whole heartedly agree with you there babe," Bucky says between bites of strawberries. It has always been his favorite fruit, he could live off of it if you let him. He feels his face pucker up as Steve spoons up some grapefruit. The stuff is just too much for him, but the blond seems to enjoy it. 

"I will clean up, be back in a minute." Leans over to peck a chaste kiss on Steve's cheek. Sly looks at Bucky like he betrayed his trust. "Sorry buddy. Tomorrow it's back to begging for sausage and hashbrowns, promise." He is awarded with a kiss and a quick blast of hot air across his face. 

He pauses for a moment to take in the broad shape of Steve's shoulers. After tonight they will be ice up, wrapped tight, bruised and sore. The man uses them the most when he hits someone, a little surprising for someone his size. Normally guys well under six feet in height use it for their advantage. Their teammate once knocked a guy flat on his ass, not once but twice. It was a sight to see, a guy who towers over Bucky himself get put in his place. The speed and the checking, it's what Barnes lives and breathes for. Makes him feel alive, whole, human. And the only thing off the ice besides his sister to make him feel half way close to that is Steve.

The guy who would take a bullet for you, put you in your place when needed. He hums softly under his breath before leaning over his lover, Steve leans back right away. Bucky sees the semi erection still hasn't gone down. If anything it looks like its about to tent the blond's pj bottoms. He snakes his hand down and cups it through the fabric, loving how hot it felt against his palm. The needy sounds coming from Steve as he strokes it gently, as it slowly hardens fully. "Please," Steve begs.

"Ssh. I got you," Bucky teases. Nips at the lobe, then licks it before letting stubble scrape against his taste buds. The hard cock in his hand jerks, a damp spot slowly spreading where the head lay against it, leaking.

"Gonna give it to you nice and slow Stevie. Then tonight I'm going to bend you over the first availbe surface and fuck you until you scream. Gonna smack that pretty little ass until its raw, hold you down and pump you full. Then I am going to take pictures of my cum dripping out your puffy hole, down your spent cock and balls. Rub it into your skin, so you stink of me. You like that?"

One thing that didn't change is his kinks. He felt guilty for having them over the years, but with Steve it felt right. The blond keened high in his throat right before soiling his pants, spilling hotly and helplessy. Bucky just strokes him throught it, peppering kisses here and there, repeating what a good boy Steve is, how good it makes him feel to please him. The blond stops him with a hand on the wrist when it becomes too much, then whimers into the kiss.

"That okay?" Bucky can't help to ask.

"More than," Steve whimpers in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy hockey season to you.


	5. Game Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of round three begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Oliver :(  
> The thought of Steve and or Bucky going ape shit on someone hurting their buddy, yes! I hope to do that soon.
> 
> I has a sad, my tablet died. And I typed up a chapter for another story and didn't back it up, and I hope to get it fixed. If not, then I have to start it again. And there is one part that I liked that I forgot what I wrote. I have the point, but it slips my mind.
> 
> Not beta read, so the fuck ups are mine. Do you notice some cameos, maybe?

Bucky walks into the back entrance of the building, hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, beard nice and trim. He couldn't grow his out quite like Steve, but when the blond mentioned how it kind of hurt while Bucky was going down on him, he decided on the spot to fix that. He thinks he looks almost gangster with it, while the others tell him he looks fine. His boyfriend argues that when his hair was cut shorter and he was wearing one of his finest suits that he more or less resembled a hit man. Bucky just snarled at that.

Those words, although said in a joking way, brought a flash of pain. In his deepest pits of misery he had sought out an actual contract on one of the doctors who knew of his past. The fucked up thing was that he was, no is, one of the good guys. Funnily enough the guy whom he looked up actually works for Tony, and he received a frantic phone call at four in the morning from Pepper. Needless to say, he didn't go through with it, that the man was a blessing in disguise. He apologized profusely to Dr. Banner, who only gave him a silent yet sad shake of his head. It was never brought up again.

One of the security workers wolf whistles Bucky good natured, which gets a playful growl in return. They've known each other since kids. Sam Wilson had to retire from the game early due to concussions, the constant contact was just too much for him. He can still whip your ass, so those who are smart do not mess with him. Its just the smart thing to do.

Oliver gives a loud belch, basically blowing hot air in both their faces. They both squint, then groan out loud, but they are used to it by now. "Garlic, on game day, really?" Sam whines.

"You can both thank my wife for that," he grins.

"I'll make sure to do that," Bucky mumbles.

Not too far from them, a pair of skates are being sharpened, the whine of metal against metal loud, sparks flying in the air. Its one of his favorite things to see. Makes him feel like a kid again, tumbling out into the ice, in skates as young as four, eyes bright, cheeks red. His grandfather loves hockey, misses it dearly in fact. Russians play on a different level, but he cheers them on, no matter what team. He says Bucky's team is his favorite, but that's a line of horse shit, their formal rivals are. At least half are Russians, the other Swedish. It would be an absolute pleasure to knock them on their ass in the final round.

Steve is just behind him, nursing a drink. He just hopes its a run of the mill cold, not something worse. That would be the last thing that they need going into tonight. He had sounded a little hoarse after coming for him at the dining room table. Bucky had just brushed it aside thinking it was from over sleeping.

He walks into the locker room spying the white board with the lines written down. Oliver would be with him on penalty kill, his game play earning him to be on the top line on special teams. The red head just beams as he catches sight of it, looking like a little kid. Bucky can't help but to congratulate him.

*

Steve had such high hopes for the first puck drop at center ice, but he should have known better. The captain on the opposing team is popular with both men and the ladies, and even though married, continues to take advantage of that. With his dark green eyes and oak brown hair, sly smirk in place. Steve can't help to feel a little sick, at one time they were college team mates, and on friendly terms. That all changed once they were drafted into the NHL, where his ego proceeds him. While Steve follows his mom's lessons to this very day.

Rick Blane gives him this look, and the blond knows he has a target on his back. All while smiling for the cameras broadcasting the game, along with the officials and team allumni, he hears the 'f' word being tossed at him. His blood runs cold, and it causes him to pause just a second before giving a chilling smile of his own, blue eyes flat. Before he can stop himself, he breathes the words 'closet freak' under his own breath. He was his first real male sexual experience. Steve isn't about to play that game.

They stare each other down, while everyone around them can feel their hairs stand on end. "This is going to be an exciting game," one of them say. Hell yeah it is...

*

It feels like its happening in slow motion, when actually it takes a split second to happen. Oliver has the puck who then passes it to Steve before going off for a change, he is out of gas when something terrible happens. Blane, of course its that asshole, who else would it be? Sticks out his knee just as Ollie skates past, and there is this sickening sight and sound of knee against knee. One of them buckling under the weight and pressure of another. Steve catches him just as the red head drops with an anguished cry. The blond would give anything to take it away. He knows what it feels like, the agony of it all. The medic motions for a stretcher, knowing it would be too much to ask him to move on it now. The whistle blows, and the station cuts to a timeout. 

Oliver is crying at this point, tears streaming down his face, and all Steve can do is tell him that he's there. He isn't going anywhere, but what the fuck can that do? When one of the best guys he knows is hurt because of some idiot. "I will get him back for this, I swear!" He promises just as Ollie is being helped off the ice. The guys are all silent, but he makes them promise to play their best. They nod their heads in unison and promise just to do that.

*

Sadly it was one of their worse losses of the season, all in front of their fans. Their heart was there, but they couldn't help but think of their buddy, probably getting bad news at just how bad his knee is.

Bucky flips a table while he was getting iced down, his hip still causing him fits. They just turn their head, muttering how shitty it is. That they'd love nothing more than for that douche to get a taste of his own medicine.

Steve tries to console him, knowing that the PTSD was making things that much worse, magnifying the anger. Bucky just shrugs him off and says he'll talk to him at home. It makes Steve pause, but knows that the brunet loves him. That it isn't him, but it stings all the same. Steve is the one to talk to the media about it, purposely asking for a limit of questions. He would answer more on it once they get more information, shouldering the blame at how poorly they played. That it won't happen again. Yes he is upset, he trusts that they, being the ones who review these type of plays, will indeed make the right call. (Like he would publicly blast them in front of reporters.) The questions keep coming, and he answers until his throat is raw and his voice is almost gone. The coach hands him some cough drops.

"Get some rest kid, you did all you could. We'll talk about it later." Steve could only nod his head at that point, exhausted.

The car ride back to the house was tense and quiet. No radio to quell the silence, just the sound of the tires gliding along the pavement. Sly who usually bounds after them, stays quiet near the door and wags his tail as Steve pats his head. He goes over to Bucky and licks his hand, it trembles before opening up and gliding along his fur. The dog just whines softly and follows the burnet to the bathroom, and sits there, head on his lap while Barnes gives way to tears. He doesn't move until Bucky gets up, and stays by his side, refusing to leave it for any reason. It takes Bucky to go outside with him before he would go pee in the backyard. Then they sit there on the back porch, Bucky with his arms wrapped around Sly, running his arms down the dog's flanks. The presence soothes him until his shaking stops. Steve pats his knee and that is when Sly finally leaves his side to go to his master, eyes dark and understanding. They walk in together.

Bucky is lost in his own thoughts when a broken off meow pulls him to the present. A black cat pauses in front of him, cautious, but not overly afraid. He places his hand by his side, palm out to show he means no harm. It takes slow steps towards him, hopeful. Bucky makes a sad sound once he sees how skinny it is, and coos at the animal, hoping to soothe it. It stops a few feet away. "I'll be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere," he sneaks inside. Steve pauses from reading the headlines on his tablet. Bucky brings his finger to his lips to silence him, not wanting to take any chances. He snags a can of dog food, then takes an older bowl and fills it with water. The cat is still standing there, alert, when Bucky comes back into view. Gets the scent of food as the can is opened and meows. Its soft, kind of hoarse, but it shows sign of hope and trust. Once the cat sees the human back away enough, it pounces onto the porch, takes a tentative sniff before taking a bite of food.

Looks like the Rogers-Barnes house hold made a new friend...


	6. Crumbling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The media pressure along with the opposing team's comments have Steve seeing red. His anger getting the better of him. He hopes Bucky understands and forgives him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where did the angst come from? Damn.  
> Colorful language ahead, lots of it. sorry? Homophobic slurs, gestures, signs. You know, idiotic things of that nature. (which always has me seeing red)  
> Not beta red, mistakes are mine alone.

Bucky sees the cat often after that, so he buys some dry cat food for her and the other strays. Sly is happy to have another furry creature around, and tries his best to make friends with her, but all his efforts get him is a cut cheek. Steve cleans it up, telling him to be more patient, but the dog just gives him his best sad eyes. The brunet chuckles. “She will come around buddy, give her time.” The cat probably already knows that Sly isn’t a threat, but still lets her displeasure known.

Things off ice have cooled off, but things on ice couldn’t be any more volatile. Steve sees articles that have him so angry, he turns red all over. Bucky doesn’t think he’s seen him like this before. But once he sets his eyes on what was said, he starts to understand. Both captains have a past, and he’s making it sound like Steve was the one chasing him around in college. In other words, the blond was a pity fuck, but not in those exact words. Or better yet, ‘an experiment.’

“That fucker can act, that’s all I can say,” a discourage team mate grumbled.

“Thank fuck Steve isn’t like that,” another said. Rogers just nods his head in their direction. They are on the road, pissed off in general and drained. Getting word that Oliver is out for at least a season is tough, not to mention the team is under fire for how they run things. All for having a coaching staff that used to work for the other team.

“Don’t know what makes those fucks so special. If the formula is so special, then why isn’t it working?” The Swede side eyes his teammate. “No offense coach!” He yells knowing full well that he’s being listened to.

“None taken. Those little bastards think they can get by with anything,” the coach bitches.

“I want nothing more than to pound their asses into dust,” another one says, elbowing his best friend.

“You and me both,” the Swede replies darkly.

Bucky is both nervous and rearing to go, wanting to get his aggression out on the ice. Steve has been avoiding physical contact for a couple of reasons, anger and the aches and pains leaving him exhausted. The brunet takes no offense to it, but tells him kindly to get some rest. His boyfriend grunting out a goodnight.

Right now he’s avoiding eye contact with him, and it stings like hell. He knows it’s because of what they are off the ice that adds to it, but still. A little communication goes a long way.

Once the game is about to start they begin to file out into the hallway, heading towards their side of center ice. The fans boo them loudly, crude comments flying left and right, but they bounce right off. One of the guys chuckling darkly at one of said comments, he always did have a messed up sense of humor.

They need to win this if they are to survive and make it to game seven. If they lose it’s season over, and it doesn’t sit well with any of the guys, least of all Steve. His usual warm eyes are cold and cutting, being curt with the defense. The coach just pulls him back and tells him to take a breather. It is totally out of character for him. The first period ends with them trailing by one.

Bucky aches all over, mostly his shoulder due to all the hitting he’s been doing, taking and receiving. The reverse hits being the hardest to brace for. Ankle swelling slightly after taking a tumble, but nothing too serious.

Second period doesn’t bring any better results, in fact they are now down 3-1. The coach is livid with some of their play making out on the ice. “Steve,” he barks loudly. The blond just cuts him a glance under his eyelashes. “Fine, you don’t to win now, is that it? That conversation we had when I first arrived was, what, to get on my good side? I know you could care less about me, and hell, everyone in here for that matter. But the fans, they deserve a little better. A hell of a lot better than they getting from you right now. Pull your head out of your fucking ass blondie, or park it on the bench. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“Better, now prove it. Not to me,” he jabs a thumb in his direction, “but the people who go out and buy your jersey and support you.” The guys sit, stunned. “Because if you don’t, then you have to explain to them why you lost the way you did.” Palms at his face. “Then you have to go home and dwell on it, hear the media and haters bark about it. People will say you are soft, and you will hear that all throughout your career.” Dead silence.

“Yes, sir,” Steve says behind clenched teeth.

He becomes a wrecking ball out on the ice, bulldozing any and every one in his path. He makes a cross ice pace and gets an assist. “Better,” the coach tells him. “But we need a little more.”

The jumbo tron cuts to some fuckface holding a sign. It has Steve and Bucky wearing rainbow colored jerseys, and the crowd laughs, and he feels his face burn. He hears someone yell ‘fucking fairies’ behind him. Steve turns around and tells him to go shove it. Then looks Bucky dead in the eye with a calculating look. The brunet doesn’t know what to make of it, but has a feeling that it would change things.

Soon guys on the other team making ‘flirty’ remarks and make kissing sounds. “Oh really?” Steve asks, pretending to be flattered. “I didn’t know. Why thank you,” the blond says with a grim smile. When they get knocked on their ass, they keep it more to themselves. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into your boyfriend, Buck, but I like it.” The brunet turns to the coach, mouth open causing the mouth guard to slip out. “Close your mouth, can’t you take a joke?” He gets a nudge on his back. He’s starting to get whiplash from it all.

And then Steve goes and score a hat trick, yeah that’s right, three goals. The opposing team manages to score thanks to having an extra man by having pulled the goalie, but by then it’s too late. There is going to be a game seven.

*

“Steve, you’re so popular the media are asking for you by name. Make me proud, son,” the coach grabs his shoulder and gives him a little shake.

“Of course,” he laughs. Getting up to make his way across the room to Bucky, who is still unwrapping his ankle. “Listen, I was an ass, and I’m sorry. Hoping we can talk a little later tonight.”

“Okay,” is all the brunet says in reply.

The captain gets asked about the homophobic slurs. “This time I used it as fuel. Instead of getting mad which has me getting off my game, which is what they want. So I use it to get me going, keep my focus on showing them that I’m not going down without a fight. None of us are.” Pausing for effect. “Nothing I say or do is going to change their backwards thinking. I don’t need them to validate myself. I’ve grown into myself in many ways. I just hope the rest of the team get the respect that they deserve, because I am only one person. They pick me up when I fall, and lean on me when they need it.”

“So you have been reading the articles?” A man in his late twenties asks.

“Yeah, it’s been impossible to miss it. But I think I’m over it already.”

“How long before you start planning for game seven?”

“After tonight most likely.”

“How did you react to Oliver’s injury status?”

“It makes me feel sick.” He continues to answer a few more questions, until he was given a signal that it was over. He nods his head towards the media before walking away.

“Buck?” He asks for the brunet.

“Already showered and headed out to the hotel. He said sorry, but he got a call and had to take it.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Steve changes out of the wet clothes and into his suit. Instead of feeling elated, he feels almost let down, stomach sour. Treating Bucky the way he did, it wasn’t like him. And on top of that, seeing his partner’s face when that came across the screen, it hurt like hell. He doesn’t give a shit what they say about him, but no one messes with Buck. They are in this together, at least they were. And if Steve doesn’t patch things up soon, it could start to fall apart...


	7. Goodbyes are the Hardest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky receives some bad news after the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it has taken me this long to write a chapter. Ugh, sorry about that. Honestly it hits close to home for me. I will put up new tags. Not beta read, and I was in a hurry to post this. More angst for my poor boys.
> 
> I had something happen in my personal life and I'm all kinds of sad. But I shall hang in there. Thanks for reading.
> 
> edit: holy shit, I updated a year from when I posted the first chapter. Ugh, sorry again for the delay.

“James?” Nat’s usual smoky voice sounds hoarse, and it makes him nervous.

“Yeah, I was in the middle of an interview, what’s up?”

“I have some bad news,” she tells him sadly. Bucky feels like cold water was being dumped over his head. So on top of what happened during the game, he came back to the room for his.

“What is it?” His voice shakes.

“Your therapist was in accident, James. I’m afraid he didn’t make it.” Bucky begins to keen high in his throat. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find out from the news. James-” The door opens behind him, Steve coming in quietly.

“Thanks Nat. I’ll let you go now.” Bucky ends the call before sniffling.

“Buck?” Steve asks, making his way slowly to his partner.

“My therapist Steve, he’s dead.”

“How, what?” The blond asks in disbelief.

“Some kind of accident. Last few times that I went in to see him, he looked ruffled. He usually looked neat, but-” He stops to give way to tears. Steve sets his jacket down and sits beside Bucky, who turns and wraps himself around the blond. The captain then brings his arms around his lover, trying his best of comfort him. It hurt seeing him like this, crying for several minutes before stopping.

Bucky’s eyes feel raw and scratchy, not to mention how wet his nose is. Steve lets him shower by himself, knowing how much he needs just a few moments alone. He sets it as hot as he can stand it before getting in, wet hair covering his face. Not knowing how long he stands there. All he recalls is Steve turning the water off, drying his damp and clammy skin before kissing his forehead.

Steve leaves him sitting on the toilet to turn down the bed spread and sheets. Then he lifts him up and carries him into the room, Bucky feels his face heat up. He nuzzles his way into his pillow, feeling another crying jag approach. Steve places some tissue beside his palm, gently brushing wet strands of hair from his forehead.

The blond returns with a clean dry towel and tries his best to dry Bucky’s hair, fearing the brunet would catch a cold. Bucky then grabs Steve’s hand, raising his gaze to his concerned expression. He gives a wobbly smile, thanking him before closing his eyes. Steve only leaves his side to use the restroom, and Bucky swears he feels that emptiness in the pit of his stomach until the man presses his chest against the brunet’s back. Then all feels right again.

*

Bucky can’t get his hands to stop shaking, no matter how hard he tries. It’s his late therapist’s funeral today, and it makes him feel ill. It was a miracle he found someone he could trust, one who didn’t give a damn about his past, never judged him. The advice given was patient, sometimes blunt, but not once forceful or hurtful. It feels like losing a dear friend, he can only imagine how his loved ones feel.

Steve holds his hand in the SUV, thumb brushing along his skin. He is grateful for it, every look, every touch. The air is hot, heavy with humidity. Yet another steamy summer heading their way. Heart speeding up once they enter the funeral home, stomach feeling hollowed out. Bucky waits behind other mourners before shaking the widow’s hand. “I am so sorry for your loss. He was a great man and he will be deeply missed and never forgotten.”

“Thank you,” she manages to say, voice wobbly.

“If there’s anything that me or my partner can do, you let us know, alright?” She nods her head, biting her bottom lip in hopes of holding it together.

Steve is next up, and he repeats what Bucky says, bringing her in for a hug and letting her cry it out. They turn to see the whole team plus upper management pour in, and it makes her cry that much harder.

“Ma’am, I’m not supposed to be standing here right now, bum knee and all. But your husband was a great man, in fact he called me up when he found out I was playing for the team here. We met each other a while back, used to be my shrink. So we thought we’d come and pay our respects.” Oliver grimaces past the pain but manages to lean in and press a kiss on her cheek. His wife holds her close, whispering softly into her ear. One by one they shake her hand, and she is nearly overwhelmed by their kindness.

Steve sees the son walk back towards a room to be alone, and he hopes his presence will be apreciated. The young man looks up, almost like a deer caught in the headlights. Steve holds his hand up in greeting.

“Hi. My partner was a patient of your father’s. Hope it’s okay to check up on you.”

“Uh, yeah. That’s fine.” He wipes his nose with the edge of his sleeve, grimacing slightly from knowing how much his mom hates it. “I’m a big fan.”

“Oh, thanks. You know, I was about your age when I lost my aunt to cancer. My mom had it too but she survived. It ate it her up inside, her being here, but her sister-” he gestures with his hands, and the young man nods along. “Anyway, sometimes we are so worried about others that we may neglect ourself. Nothing wrong with that, but I hope you let yourself grieve together. And seperately if need be. You are not weak for showing emotion, nor are you harsh if you don’t. Not everyone goes through this the same.”

“Okay, I will.” Gives a sad smile.

“Hang in there. Is there any kind of charities that your dad like, or any causes?”

“Yeah, he hated seeing domestic violence and what it does to the victims.”

“Alright. We’ll donate in his name. How about a handshake before I go?”

“Sure.” The grasp is strong because it is weak. And it hurts Steve, because it is like looking in a mirror at his old self.

*

“I have something to tell you,” Bucky starts as they pile onto the couch. They are still wearing their suits, though the jackets came off long ago. Steve watches as his lover rubs his hands in agitation.

“What it is baby?”

“I- uh,” he swallows past the lump in his throat. “I remember you from a summer hockey camp from when we were kids.” Steve feels his brows come together in confusion. “I didn’t introduce myself, but I remember seeing this scrawny kid come out onto the ice.” Bucky sees the blush rise into his boyfriend’s cheeks. “I also heard the coaches talk about you. It wasn’t good Stevie.”

“What do you mean. My skills, or lack there of?” Bucky shakes his head no.

“They were, they um, were scouting. But not for talent. They wanted you…” He closes his eyes for a moment. “I took your place. I purposely went over there knowing full well what they wanted.” Steve is frozen in place, eyes glazing over. In his mind he sees himself years ago, showing off for his mom, watching her with the cap over her head, giving a thumbs up. She looks so proud. A young man, near his age, skates past. His form is perfect, confident, like he was born for it. It takes Steve longer to grasp.

“Oh god,” he whispers. “Buck-”

“Steve, please,” he begs. “I-”

“You did that for me, why?”

“Because you didn’t deserve it.”

“Well neither did you!” Steve yells. Sly jerks awake, ears up and eyes wide. “It’s my-”

“Don’t you dare,” Bucky seethes. “It’s not our fault. It’s not.”

Nothing else was said that night, and Steve just lay there, in shock at the turn of events.

**Author's Note:**

> Bucky says that his family does not know the extent of his past abuse. His therapist advises him to let them know.
> 
> For some odd reason it says part '7' under my works, but when I clicked to edit it, it said 2. That is strange. Its only part two of the series. Anyone else see that besides me, or am I going crazy?


End file.
